Webster’s Dictionary Redefines “Mandatory” as “Like Totally Optional, Whatever Man”


Webster’s Dictionary has just announced a list of wacky new words for 2020 including “permaculture”, “freegan”, “awesomesauce”, and “mandatory”, and defines the latter as “like totally optional, whatever man.”

“We’re very pragmatic in our definitions. We like to see these words in action,” said Webster’s Dictionary editor Corny Reimer. “And when we looked at some of the large grocery stores in southern Manitoba, it became very clear to us that ‘mandatory’ doesn’t mean what people think it does.”

Webster’s sent representatives all over southern Manitoba and couldn’t find a single usage of the word “mandatory” that actually meant “mandatory.”

“Not in the traditional sense of the word,” said Reimer. “Instead, what we found was that nine times out of ten, stores just put up a sign and then let people do whatever the hell they want.”

The new more inclusive definition of “mandatory” has given locals a sense of freedom never seen before in these parts.

“The signs don’t mean anything anymore,” said local shopper Mr. Plett. “No shirt, no shoes, no service? Ha! I waltzed right in here with just my g-string, parked in the Pregnant Mothers Only spot, coughed on a few items. Heck, I’ve even got 20 items in the 10 item or less line.”

Mr. Plett is also wondering whether it’s “mandatory” to pay for the items or whether the new definition applies to that, too.

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