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Month: December 2024

Unger Games

All 82 Jets Games to be Featured on 82 Different Channels Next Season

December 31, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Starting next year, each regular season game of the Winnipeg Jets will be featured on its own channel or streaming service. “Gone are the days when it was all on TSN Jets,” says […]

Unger Conviction

Magnus Carlsen Booted Out of Church for Wearing Jeans

December 30, 2024 Andrew

WATERTOWN, NY Norwegian chess superstar Magnus Carlsen had decided to try his hand at a Dutch Blitz tournament up in Watertown, New York this week, when he realized his attire was not suitable for the […]

Unger the Influence

Crokinole Board Hauled Out to Quiet Divisive Political Discussions

December 29, 2024 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC The political discussions got so heated at the Loewen gathering this past week, that Mrs. Annie Loewen decided “enough was enough,” and decided to haul out the kjnipsbrat, which studies have shown is […]

Unger Games

Team Canada Loses to Blumenort Menno Knights

December 28, 2024 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON The once mighty Team Canada junior hockey team has lost to a men’s floor hockey team from Blumenort, Manitoba. “It’s hard to top Garth Reimer on the forecheck,” said Team Canada captain Brayden […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Sings So Beautifully Out Her Nose

December 27, 2024 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Mrs. Brandt had the congregation in silent awe this week with her stirring rendition on “Oh Little Town of Bethlehem” which she managed to sing completely through her nose without ever opening her […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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