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Unger the Influence

The Daily Bonnet

New Gun Control Laws Leave Local Man “Completely Defenceless” Against Government Armed with Tanks and Fighter Jets

May 7, 2020 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Local man Mr. Wiebe, who left the Mennonite Church decades ago to attend one more receptive to his gun-toting lifestyle, is just now starting to wonder whether his remaining collection of legal […]

Unger Suspicion

Local Grow-ops Switch to Making Hand Sanitizer

April 3, 2020 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC Since the recent health crisis, thousands of grow-ops throughout British Columbia have been ditching the recreational drugs and converting their facilities to the full-scale production of hand sanitizer. “It’s just one way of […]

Unger Suspicion

Angry Mob Demands that Trudeau Subsist Entirely on Timbits

January 21, 2020 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Typical Canada. Donuts made headlines across the nation today. “We interrupt our coverage of various real tragedies and important situations around the globe to bring you this important news about donuts!” Thousands of […]

Unger Suspicion

Frasier Institute Petitions Government to Send More Tax Money to Kelsey Grammer

December 12, 2019 Andrew

VANCOUVER, BC The venerable right-wing think tank ‘The Frasier Institute’ is sick and tired of all the government money that’s being wasted and would prefer if all those tax dollars went directly to Kelsey Grammer […]

Unger & Thirst

Feds to Open Forty New Safe Schmaunt Fat Injection Sites

November 21, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON The federal government just announced this week a plan to open up more than forty supervised injection sites in Mennonite communities around the country. “We’re going to provide people with cottage cheese and […]

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