Crocodile tears were flowing at Democratic Party headquarters this week, as the men in charge of the party, realized that, yet again, they’d been paying lip service to an idea without doing anything about it.
“We’re upset, very upset, with this Supreme Court decision,” said President Biden, with a surgically-implanted tear on his cheek. “I think I can speak for all the men in this party when I say, ‘oops, my bad.'”
The Party had a number of opportunities in the past five decades to codify Roe into federal law, but it was almost as if they really didn’t believe in it … or else there was always a sex scandal or war or something that got in the way.
“Ahh, shucks, I knew I was forgetting something,” said retired President Bill Clinton. “But wait, I was pro-life back in the day, wasn’t I? Who knows? Hard to keep track of such things.”
Barack Obama was also very upset he’d inadvertently left this matter up to the political whims of the court, rather than the political whims of government.
“I know I was in office for 8 years, but it just slipped my mind, okay,” said former President Barack Obama. “Michelle gave me a long list of items on my to-do list: buy milk, mow the lawn, codify Roe. It just kept getting bumped to the bottom of the list. I did pick up the dry cleaning, though.”
Democrats also say they’re really sorry, but they just haven’t gotten around to do anything meaningful about gun violence, either.