Canada and Denmark Reach Settlement Over Disputed Nikolaj Ehlers


Years of feuding appears to be over after the governments of Canada and Denmark have agreed to stop putting flags on Winnipeg Jets superstar Nikolaj Ehlers and instead draw a line down the middle of his torso and share him equally.

“It’s true he’s the greatest hockey player Denmark has ever produced, but he’s playing in Winnipeg now and we’re paying him handsomely so I think Canada has a legitimate claim to Ehlers as well.”

It was rhetoric like this that stirred international tensions, with both Canadian and Danish soldiers alternating bottles of booze left on the disputed left winger.

“It all heated up when the Canadians left a bottle of Crown Royal in his hotel room. A few weeks later the Danes were luring him back home with smørrebrød. Then the Canadians offered a 24 of Molson and the Danes replied with a case of akvavit. It got out of hand.”

The war over the Danish hockey player seems to finally have been settled peacefully, however.

“He can play in Canada during the season but when it comes to international competitions he’ll be sporting a Danish jersey.”

It’s not yet known whether Ehlers will be allowed to continue listening to the Guess Who in the locker room or be forced to spend at least 50% of the time listening to podcast about Soren Kierkegaard.

Ehlers was forced to spent all his time all alone on a remote arctic island near Greenland until this matter was resolved.

(photo credit: Lowdown and Toubletap/Wikicommons/modified)

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