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Month: October 2022

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman All Out of Candy Already

October 31, 2022 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB Area woman Angie Neufeld, 38, was all out of candy at 5:30 PM this evening and has shut off her lights and gone to bed. “Sorry, kids, better try next door at the […]

Unger Suspicion

Rembrandt Painting Has Been Hanging Upside Down for 400 Years

October 30, 2022 Andrew

BERLIN, GERMANY The Gemäldegalerie in Berlin has recently discovered that the famous Rembrandt painting of a Mennonite pastor and his wife has been hanging upside down for the past four centuries. “I’m not sure how this […]

Unger Conviction

New Pill Makes Mennonite Church Service Tolerable

October 29, 2022 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC After decades of research, a brand new pill has been approved by the Mennonite Health Service that makes Sunday morning church services just barely tolerable. “I don’t use this term lightly, but it’s […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Already Crafting His Snarky Rebuttal to Michael Zwaagstra’s Latest Column

October 28, 2022 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Steinbach resident Mr. Unrau was enjoying a lovely afternoon at KR Barkman Park, paging through The Carillon, when he flipped to the opinion page to read Michael Zwaagstra’s take on the latest hot button issue. […]

Unger Suspicion

Man with 27% of the Vote Claims He’s Mayor of Winnipeg

October 27, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB For some strange reason, an area man who received just 27% of the vote last night is under the impression that he’s the new mayor of Winnipeg. “I’d like to thank the literally […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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