New Pill Makes Mennonite Church Service Tolerable


After decades of research, a brand new pill has been approved by the Mennonite Health Service that makes Sunday morning church services just barely tolerable.

“I don’t use this term lightly, but it’s a miracle drug really,” said Dr. Siemens. “Not only does it make Pastor Dan’s joke a lot more funny, but the entire service seems to pass by in a minute.”

Instead of the usual 3 to 4 hour service, patients who take the new Mennolax pill will experience a brief five minute service followed by a serving of dill pickles.

“I’ve been taking these Mennolax pills for a few weeks now and never in my life has Sunday morning felt so good,” said Mrs. Bueckert. “I even take a couple before the evening service and the midweek Bible study.”

If taken as prescribed the new pills also miraculously transform the pastor’s theology.

“Wow, a good night’s rest and a few rounds of Mennolax and I’m not nearly so legalistic and dogmatic,” said Pastor Dan. “Mennolax. I’m not only the owner, I’m a customer!”

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