LANCASTER, PA
After millions of complaints from customers, McDonald’s has finally found a solution to the broken ice cream machine problem that has plagued their restaurants across the country – hiring the Amish.
“Actually, we’re going to get them to churn the dairy and all that, too,” said McDonald’s CEO Chris Kempczinski. “I think you’re going to see our ice cream machines in tip top shape after this. Plus for the first time in decades, our soft serve will contain trace amounts of actual ice cream.”
A couple dozen Amish will be travelling the country to raise ice cream machines at thousands of McDonald’s locations.
“We thought of hiring the Mennonites to help out, but that’s a last resort,” said Kempczinski. “For now we’ve go the Amish on it … and just in time for summer, too!”
The new Amish ice cream will come in flavours such as schoofly pie, pickled beets, and the ever popular pig’s head scrapple.
