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amish

Unger Games

Amish Win Gold in Olympic Barn Raising Competition

August 27, 2021 Andrew

TOKYO, JAPAN A team of Schwartzenhersbergertruberschmidts swept the medals at the Barn Raising competition at this year’s Olympic Games. “We placed first, second, and third, though that was mostly because the Mennonites failed the drug […]

Unger Suspicion

Rumspringa 2021 Not Nearly as Wild as Amish Boy was Hoping For

March 3, 2021 Andrew

INTERCOURSE, PA Young Caleb Hershberger of Intercourse was really looking forward to getting out into the wild world of the English during his rumspringa this year, but so far he’s been totally disappointed. “Dunner uns […]

Unger Suspicion

Twitter Hires the Amish to Shun Trump

January 12, 2021 Andrew

SAN FRANCISCO, CA Social media giant Twitter has hired a bunch of Amish to do what only Amish (and maybe a few Mennonites) can do: shun Trump. “We haven’t done a shunning in a while, […]

Unger Suspicion

Google Searches for “How to Become Amish” Surge During Presidential Debate

October 1, 2020 Andrew

HOLMES COUNTY, OH Aghast at the dismal prospects for life in mainstream American society, millions of Americans are apparently considering joining the Amish. “During the debate we saw a huge surge in ‘how to move […]

The Daily Bonnet

Trump Appoints Faceless Amish Doll to Fill Vacant Supreme Court Spot

September 22, 2020 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC It seems the vacant Supreme Court spot has been filled much quicker than expected, as Trump and his Republican majority Senate rushed to approve the only nominee they knew they would have no […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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