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Month: May 2025

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Shunned After Returning from Zurich with Swiss Army Knife

May 31, 2025 Andrew

ZURICH, SWITZERLAND Area man Dave Kehler immensely enjoyed his time at the Anabaptism 500 celebrations in Zurich this week, but the pleasant festivities contrasted with the rather unfriendly greeting he received on his arrival back […]

Unger & Thirst

Fisherman Hired to Extract Last Pickle from Jar

May 30, 2025 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Area man Neil Reimer has been awakened from his meddaschlop this afternoon to attend to an emergency at the Klassen gathering. “Get here fast, Neil,” said Mrs. Klassen, “and bring your rod and […]

The Daily Bonnet

Frugal Mennonites Gather in Most Expensive Country in the World

May 29, 2025 Andrew

ZURICH, SWITZERLAND David Yoder was excited to return to the land of his ancestors this week for the Anabaptism 500-year anniversary, but as soon as he arrived, he got the sneaking suspicion that things must […]

Unger Games

Mennonites Gather in Zurich for Anabaptist 500

May 28, 2025 Andrew

ZURICH, SWITZERLAND It’s the most anticipated race of the past five centuries. This week, thousands of Mennonites will gather in Switzerland and race through Zurich in the exhilarating Anabaptist 500. “Of course, we’re not using […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Gives Throne Speech

May 27, 2025 Andrew

TABER, AB Area man Roger Goertzen, 46, was so aghast at the videos he was watching on TikTok this afternoon that he started yelling through the door at anyone who was in proximity to hear. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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