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The Daily Bonnet

Family Reluctantly Sings Another Verse in German to Please Grandma

July 12, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Relatives at an Ens family gathering this past week reluctantly obliged their 90-year-old matriarch by singing a verse of ‘Holy God, We Praise Thy Name’ in German even though they had already sung […]

The Daily Bonnet

High German Mennonite Clings Desperately to False Sense of Superiority Over Low German Mennonite

June 28, 2017 Andrew

BLUMENBACH, SK Thanks to a complete accident of birth, Miss Annie B. Epp of Blumenbach was born to a High German speaking family. For some reason, Epp, a sad and delusional woman, believes that this linguistic […]

The Daily Bonnet

Try Your Hand at Mennonite Mad Libs!

April 6, 2017 Andrew

For decades, children have entertained themselves on long road trips by filling in the blanks on the popular Mad Libs sheets. For your endless amusement, here is a Mennonite Mad Lib-style game. Instructions: Print off […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Brushes Up on His German to Read the Bible in Its ‘Original Language’

March 3, 2017 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Tired of the notoriously unreliable English translations, local man John B. Kornelsen of Kitchener has been relearning German in order to read the Bible in its original script. “You can’t rely on these […]

The Daily Bonnet

A Glossary of Mennonite Profanity

January 8, 2017 Andrew

Perhaps the most useful words and phrases to know in any language are those that express anger, excitement, or grief. For your convenience, here is a helpful list of Plautdietsch curse words and insults, along […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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