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The Daily Bonnet

Carney Called Out for Utilizing ‘Plaudietsch’ Spelling

December 17, 2025 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON It’s the biggest scandal to hit the Carney government yet – spelling. In this case, Prime Minister Mark Carney sent out several memos in which he spelled everything in Plautdietsch. “And the worst […]

The Daily Bonnet

Plautdietsch Immersion School Opens This Fall

September 20, 2024 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB There was a time when Mennonite children had their mouths washed out with soap anytime they uttered a hearty “waut es met die?” on the schoolyard. Things have changed, however, and now […]

The Daily Bonnet

High German Mennonite Claims He’s Not Actually All That High

May 18, 2024 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Sam Toews, 51, of Morden, Manitoba says he’s sick and tried of all his Plautdietsch-speaking friends in Winkler accusing him of being high all the time. “They’re always asking me what’s in the […]

Unger Games

Mennonite Child Learns Whole New Vocabulary While Dad is Watching the Jets Game

April 28, 2024 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Area child Jeremy Klassen, 7, has expanded his Plautdietsch vocabulary tenfold this afternoon while his father Sam, 39, watched yet another abysmal performance by the Winnipeg Jets.  “Daddy, what does Schinda mean?” wondered […]

Daily Bonnet

5 Mennonite Swear Words that Make No Sense

February 19, 2023 Andrew

Mennonites are not very good at swearing. I mean, look at what passes for profanity around these parts. Dietschlaunt – I’m not sure when “Germany” became a swear word. If it originated around WWII, I guess […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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