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The Daily Bonnet

Premier Goertzen Declares First Monday in September ‘Meddachschlop Day’

September 6, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB In his first order of business as new Manitoba premier, Steinbach MLA Kelvin Goertzen declared the first Monday in September to be ‘Meddachschlop Day.’ “Normally we’re only having a mid-afternoon nap on Sundays […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Excited as Halloween is Cancelled this Year

October 31, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Thousands of Mennonites across North America have been spared the trauma of having to witness like Timmy in a cowboy outfit or little Sarah all dressed up as Wonder Woman. “Halloween cancelled? Well, […]

Unger Suspicion

Canadians Forced to Winter in Canada this Year

October 14, 2020 Andrew

TORONTO, ON For the first time in almost a hundred years, millions of Canadians will be forced to suffer through one of their own winters. “Diewel, if I had known it was this bad, I’d […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler Family Plans Exotic Vacation in Morden this Summer

September 1, 2020 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Since international travel remains a no-go this year, Winkler family, the Schroeders, have decided to go someplace they’ve never been to before, that being the neighbouring community of Morden. “We’ve been to Playa […]

Unger Suspicion

1.4 Million Manitobans Show Up at Steep Rock All at Once

August 2, 2020 Andrew

STEEP ROCK, MB If Facebook and Instagram are any evidence, it seems that every single person in the province of Manitoba showed up at Steep Rock this weekend. “Oba, we even had to share a […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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