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Month: August 2020

The Daily Bonnet

Friesens Brings In Extra Friesens to Print that Daily Bonnet Guy’s New Novel

August 31, 2020 Andrew

ALTONA, MB The demand for Andrew Unger’s new novel Once Removed is so high that Friesens of Altona has got local Friesens working overtime to print copies of the book. “We put out an All Friesen bulletin,” said […]

Unger & Thirst

“Immodest” Mennonite Woman Leaves Her Zwieback Out for All to See

August 30, 2020 Andrew

OSTERWICK, MB Residents of Osterwick were in shock this afternoon after a fresh and delectable zwieback baked by Mrs. Loewen was left out on the table in the church basement all afternoon. “It’s simply not […]

Unger & Thirst

Chihuahua Faspa Cancelled After Oma Runs Out of Queso Menonita

August 29, 2020 Andrew

MANITOBA COLONY, CHIHUAHUA, MEXICO The Falks of Manitoba Colony had to make a last minute cancellation of fapsa this week after Oma Falk completely forgot to buy more queso Menonita. “As much as we love […]

Unger Suspicion

American Universities to Shut Down and Be Replaced With Nothing But YouTube and Memes

August 28, 2020 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC American universities will be shuttering their doors this week as people flock to much more reliable sources of knowledge: random crap found on the Internet. Rather than being educated by qualified experts in […]

Unger Conviction

Mysterious Formations Appear on Church Parking Lot Overnight

August 27, 2020 Andrew

TABER, AB Pastor Dave pulled up onto the lot this morning for his marriage counselling sessions with the Thiessens only to find that the entire lot was covered with mysterious black circles and the whole […]

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