Mennonites Excited as Halloween is Cancelled this Year


Thousands of Mennonites across North America have been spared the trauma of having to witness like Timmy in a cowboy outfit or little Sarah all dressed up as Wonder Woman.

“Halloween cancelled? Well, that’s a relief,” said Mrs. Doerksen. “Now I don’t have to come up with yet another hackneyed explanation that they’ll never understand or appreciate for why we don’t participate in such things.”

The cancellation of Halloween means that thousands of Mennonites can participate in “Halloween alternatives” that are exactly the same as Halloween in every way except for the name and the fact they’re held in a church basement.

“We dress them in fun customs and hand out candy, but it’s in the ECMB basement and we don’t allow ghosts,” said Mrs. Doerksen. “Also, it’s on October 30 rather than the 31st. So, you know, it’s not at all the same as Halloween. There’s a big difference!”

Meanwhile everyone else in North America will be watching hockey like usual … oh, wait.

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