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The Daily Bonnet

New Program Seeks to End Promiscuity at Old Folks Home

July 19, 2017 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Over the past few years, experts have witnessed a dramatic rise in wild and licentious behaviour among our Mennonite seniors. In order to address this problem, which some have blamed on social media, Linda […]

Unger & Thirst

Retiring Teacher Quickly Consumes 30 Years Worth of Apples

June 29, 2017 Andrew

GRETNA, MB With just two days remaining in his illustrious teaching career, retiring teacher Willy Epp of Klaas Reimer Memorial School, decided it was high time he ate all the apples he’d been given over the past thirty years. “I […]

The Daily Bonnet

Friesen Siblings Gather for 20 Year Home School Reunion

May 20, 2017 Andrew

ALTONA, MB The Friesen siblings of Altona gathered this past week at Mom and Dad’s bungalow to celebrate their 20-year home school reunion. “We’re the graduating class of 1997,” said Dave, who works at the local […]

Unger Conviction

Anabaptist Seminary Graduates a Record Five Calvinists

April 22, 2017 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN The 2017 graduating class at South Goshen Mennonite Seminary has graduated a record number of Calvinists this year. “I must say, it’s been an upward trend toward Calvinism in the last few years,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Typo Leads Ted Falk Supporters to TED Talk

March 7, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A minute spelling error in a newspaper ad led hundreds of Ted Falk voters to a lecture hall at the University of Manitoba this past week. Instead of a speech by the Provencher MP, they […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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