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Month: March 2021

The Daily Bonnet

Thousands of Mennonites are All Sharing the Same Netflix Password

March 31, 2021 Andrew

INMAN, KS A recent investigation had concluded that every single Penner, Friesen, and Funk in the state of Kansas are all sharing the same Netflix account. “It’s believed to have started with Abe Penner of […]

Quizzes

Quiz Time! Is it a Bible Verse or Just a Random Inspirational Quote from a Meme?

March 30, 2021 Andrew

In these troubled times, it seems the only thing that can keep us going is spending all day scrolling past the word “Blessed!” in big bold letters above a picture of a sunset or country […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Spends All Day Making Coleslaw No One Will Eat

March 29, 2021 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Eleanor Funk, 71, has been working tirelessly all day chopping cabbage and mixing it with carrots, lemon juice, mayonnaise, and vinegar in preparation for tomorrow’s delightful Funk Easter gathering in which not a […]

Unger Suspicion

Aylmer Pastor Awarded Nation’s Highest Honour: A Stained Dirty Star on Canada’s Walk of Fame

March 28, 2021 Andrew

TORONTO, ON A controversial Aylmer-area “pastor” is set to receive Canada’s highest honour: a stained dirty star caked with gum somewhere on a urine-drenched Toronto sidewalk. “After seeing all the good he’s been doing for […]

Unger Suspicion

Efforts Intensify to Dislodge Fred Penner from Log

March 27, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Efforts to dislodge beloved children’s entertainer Fred Penner from a log in an undisclosed location intensified on Saturday afternoon. “For years he’s gone in and out of that log without issue, but somehow […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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