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cooking

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Hires Connor Hellebuyck to Strain Her Potatoes

December 2, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Winnipeg Jets goaltender Connor Hellebuyck has been in high demand with local Mennonite women, who have been hiring him to strain their potatoes and other items for the past couple months. “He’s a […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Tinkers with Grandma Penner’s Recipes

October 6, 2018 Andrew

HOCHFELD, MB For the past three years, local bachelor Darryl Penner, 41, has been attempting to improve his grandmother’s beloved Mennonite recipes and, just this past weekend, he finally decided to reveal his improved versions […]

Unger & Thirst

Custodian at Local Senior’s Home Can’t Get the Smell of Roll Kuchen Out of the Hallway

September 13, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB The hallways at Menno Garden Manor still smell strongly of cooking oil after half a dozen women all decided to fry up some roll kuchen on the very same day. Mr. Pankratz, a […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonites Compete to See Who Can Cook the Blandest Least Spicy Chili

July 22, 2018 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Mennonites across southern Ontario have gathered in Leamington this week for the annual MB-GC Chili Cook-Off. Returning to the competition is last year’s champion Mrs. Lehman of St. Jacob’s whose extra-bland zero-pepper chili […]

Unger & Thirst

Whose Mennonite Mom Makes the Best Perogies?

May 13, 2018 Andrew

For centuries Mennonites have ferociously defended their own mother’s cooking, claiming her vereniki were soft, more delicate, more flavourful, or held together better than all the other Mennonite moms out there. Well, today, we’re going […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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