Mennonite Man Tinkers with Grandma Penner’s Recipes


For the past three years, local bachelor Darryl Penner, 41, has been attempting to improve his grandmother’s beloved Mennonite recipes and, just this past weekend, he finally decided to reveal his improved versions to the world.

“I’ve got a new and improved schmaunt fat, waffle sauce and green bean soup,” said Penner. “Just wait until you try them. You’ll never eat your grandma’s cooking again!”

Penner admits his main strategy is to just double the amount of sugar and/or vinegar, “depending on the recipe,” but claims his new recipes are quite the innovation.

“You’d be amazed how much better the waffle sauce is with a bit more vanilla and a lot more sugar!” said Penner. “This stuff makes children’s breakfast cereal seem bland.”

So far the public have not been impressed with his altered versions.

“It’s heretical. It’s blasphemy,” said Mrs. Wiebe. “There are only two rules for Mennonites: shoot over your enemy’s head and never mess with Grandma Penner!”

Darryl is hoping his new recipes will attract a woman his age, but so far, for poor lonely Darryl, they haven’t been all that impressed either.

(photo credit: Alex Shultz/CC)

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