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Unger & Thirst

“But I Didn’t Inhale”: Mennonite Politician Confesses to Consuming Borscht

February 11, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON In a recent television interview, Canadian MP Lina Klippenstein confessed to consuming large quantities of komst borscht during her “wild college days.” “I’m not going to lie to you,” said Klippenstein. “It was […]

Unger & Thirst

“I Could Make it Myself Better and Cheaper”: Mennonite Woman Refuses to Buy Anything at Church Bake Sale

January 18, 2019 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB While examining the offerings at the Grunthal Church fundraising bake sale this week, Mrs. Kehler refused to buy a single item, claiming that everything she saw she “could easily make at home much […]

Unger & Thirst

Mrs. Friesen’s Plumi Moos Now 100% Mouse Free

December 21, 2018 Andrew

HOCHFELD, MB Mrs. Friesen would like to clear up a misunderstanding that has been going on for years: her world famous plumi moos contains nothing but plums. “It’s vegan,” said Mrs. Friesen. “No mice involved. […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Deliberately Leaves Out Essential Ingredient in Recipe

December 13, 2018 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC Mrs. Brandt of Chilliwack has often been asked to share her delicious recipes with others, but, so far, not a single person has been able to replicate her dishes. “I don’t know what […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Hires Connor Hellebuyck to Strain Her Potatoes

December 2, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Winnipeg Jets goaltender Connor Hellebuyck has been in high demand with local Mennonite women, who have been hiring him to strain their potatoes and other items for the past couple months. “He’s a […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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