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cooking

Unger & Thirst

‘Hands that Have Prepared It’ Feel Extra Blessed

April 18, 2018 Andrew

AYLMER, ON Mrs. Jansen’s hands are finally starting to feel the effects of having been blessed so often during the years. Thanks to Grandpa Jansen’s rote Sunday lunch prayer, which always included the line, “bless […]

Unger & Thirst

How Many of These Common Mennonite Foods Have You Tried?

February 24, 2018 Andrew

How many of these Russian Mennonite treats, many of which we stole from the Ukrainians and Poles, have you consumed? (I’m not knowledgable enough about Swiss Mennonite food to make a list of 50. If […]

Unger & Thirst

Buns Discovered in Mennonite Grandma’s Freezer Carbon Date to 5 Million Years Old

February 3, 2018 Andrew

TABER, AB A bag full of frozen raisin buns discovered at the back of Grandma Wiebe’s freezer this past week were taken to a University of Alberta laboratory to undergo rigorous scientific testing including carbon […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Grandma Jailed for Adding Flavour to Food

December 1, 2017 Andrew

NEWTON, KS Mrs. Edna Loewen of Newton, Kansas was arrested and removed from the church roster on Sunday after it was reported her cooking now contained actual flavour. According to her furious grandchildren, Loewen added […]

Unger & Thirst

Steak Temperature Guide (Mennonite Edition)

August 15, 2017 Andrew

Every year around this time, the Ungers have a lovely family gathering at one of the many parks named after a Barkman in Steinbach. Like always, Uncle Abe is responsible for cooking up the steaks. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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