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Unger Suspicion

Berkeley Bans ‘Radical Mennonite Lady’ From Speaking on Campus

September 28, 2017 Andrew

BERKELEY, CA Once a bastion of free speech and liberalism, the University of Berkeley has become increasingly restrictive and conservative in recent years, banning controversial figures such as Ben Shapiro, Ann Coulter, and Milo Yiannopoulos from […]

Unger Suspicion

Frat Boys Disappointed with Visit to Intercourse, Pennsylvania

August 17, 2017 Andrew

INTERCOURSE, PA Dozens of lecherous Pennsylvania frat boys are upset and considering litigation after a visit to the small Amish town of Intercourse did not go as expected. “I truly feel like we were misled,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couples Vow to Save Meddachschlop for Marriage

April 21, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Thousands of dating couples on Mennonite college campuses across Canada have pledged to save meddachschlop for marriage. “I want my future husband to know that I never had meddachschlop with anyone else before […]

The Daily Bonnet

Renowned Mennonite Scholar Unable To Locate Car In Parking Lot

October 21, 2016 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA World-renowned expert on the Anabaptist exegesis of the synoptic Gospels, Dr. Dirk W. Thiessen, is always able to find minute errors in the works cited pages of undergraduate papers, but was unable to locate […]

The Daily Bonnet

Students Petition CMU for ‘Hipster Discount’

September 7, 2016 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A group of millennial students at Canadian Mennonite University have asked the institution for a discount on their tuition because they are hipsters. “Children of alumni, missionary kids, pastor’s kids – they all […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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