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Unger Suspicion

King Solomon to Undergo Wisdom Tooth Surgery

May 13, 2019 Andrew

JERUSALEM, ISRAEL King Solomon of Israel is undergoing wisdom tooth surgery this week after a dentist told him “they’re basically useless and your mouth is too crowded as it is.” Solomon claims he was reluctant […]

The Daily Bonnet

Facebook Debate About ‘Eternal Security’ Results in the Condemnation of Millions

April 19, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB What started as an innocent conversation between a Mennonite and a Calvinist on “eternal security” quickly became the greatest mass condemnation of people since the Spanish Inquisition. “I just started off by posting a […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Falls Way Behind on Her Devotions

March 20, 2019 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB Mrs. Kehler of North Kildonan is being punished and forced to clean up after the next five faspas when it was discovered that she had not been keeping up with her devotions. […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Seminary Student Can’t Figure Out All This German

February 9, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Future Mennonite pastor Dave Unger, a student at the Winkler Anabaptist Seminary, is having real trouble in his New Testament class, especially after students were required to read the text in its original […]

Unger Conviction

“The Last Shall Be First, and the First Shall Be Last”: Sermon Causes Traffic Jam in Mennonite Town

November 10, 2018 Andrew

MARTENSVILLE, SK Vehicles were backed up for blocks in the small Mennonite town of Martensville this week after Pastor Martens gave a particularly stirring sermon on Matthew 20. “The last shall be first, and the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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