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Month: September 2024

Unger Conviction

Long-winded Mennonite Pastor Blamed for Burnt Sunday Roast

September 29, 2024 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC Pastor Dan has been called before the church elder board this week after a particularly long-winded sermon led to the destruction of more than a dozen Sunday roasts this past weekend. “Mrs. Kroeker […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Family Consumes One Last Watermelon Before Switching to Pumpkin for the Next 8 Months

September 28, 2024 Andrew

WINKLER, MB The Brandts of Winkler gathered at the Bethel Heritage Park this weekend to share the very last watermelon and Papsi of the season before they consume nothing but pumpkins for the next eight […]

Unger & Thirst

Mysterious New Condiment Perplexes Mennonite Diners

September 27, 2024 Andrew

GREENLAND, MB The Toews family of Greenland was sent into crisis mode this Friday evening after a jar of salsa was discovered on the table next to the farmer sausage. “I’m shook to the core,” […]

Unger & Thirst

Steinbach Finally Gets an Authentic Mexican Restaurant

September 24, 2024 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Several years after an earlier version of the same restaurant shuttered its doors, Taco Bell is once again opening in the city. The announcement is exciting locals who will finally get their authentic […]

Unger & Thirst

Riot in Rural Manitoba After Fall Supper Runs Out of Meatballs

September 23, 2024 Andrew

SAINT EINBACH, MB Things got heated in the tiny hamlet of Saint Einbach, Manitoba this weekend after the annual fall supper ran out of meatballs. “And we weren’t doing all that well with the mashed […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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