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Month: October 2019

Unger Conviction

MBers Dress as GCers for Halloween

October 31, 2019 Andrew

FRESNO, CA In a move that shocked households throughout the region, a group of young MBers from Fresno decided to dress up as GCers for Halloween this year. “I wanted to be scary…really scary,” said […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Forgets to Put Star Anise in Her Chicken Soup

October 30, 2019 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Mrs. Toews was so thoroughly embarrassed with her failure to add star anise to her chicken soup at the soup and pie fundraiser this past week that she has vowed never to make […]

The Daily Bonnet

Hipsters Forced to Cut Off Beards After Violating Pennsylvania Mennonite Patent

October 29, 2019 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA Thousands of hipsters across the United States will be forced to shave off their beards at the end of this month after a Pennsylvania court ruled these beards a “clear violation” of a […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Sexy Mennonite’ Costume Flying Off the Shelves this Halloween

October 28, 2019 Andrew

NEWTON, KS Costumes stores across the country have been running out of stock of this year’s hottest Halloween trend, the Sexy Mennonite. “Last year it was the Sexy Nurse and the Sexy Superhero, but this […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Farmer Caught Combining on a Sunday

October 27, 2019 Andrew

NIVERVILLE, MB The Wiebes were shocked as they raced to church this morning, to see local farmer Mr. Reimer harvesting the last of his crop in his New Holland TX66. “I’ve heard of rescuing a […]

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