Romance Tips for Mennonites

Ah, Valentine’s Day. Both the coldest and warmest holiday of the year. Today, we hit the streets of Altona to find out what the locals were doing for Valentine’s Day and to see if they had any advice for other couples out there.

  • “Abe passed away ten years ago now, so me and some of the quilting ladies head over to Chicken Chef every Valentine’s Day to scope out the singles scene. I sure hope Henry Fast is there!” – Ms. Penner, 90.
  • “Martha and me fill the tub with jreewe and eat our way out. Then we send the kids to bed and have the quietist and tastiest mettachschlop ever.” – Mr. Friesen, 41.
  • “We’re working on each other’s corns. I read if you take a pumice stone and rub it lightly on a wet callous or corn for two to three minutes, you’ll really see a difference. At that rate, my feet should be as good as new by about eleven PM.” – Mrs. Ens, 60.
  • “I’m not sure what Sam has planned for me this year, but I sure hope it doesn’t involve another trip to the emergency room. Never believe a Mennonite man when he says, “Oba, just trust me, Ruth!” – Mrs. Friesen, 50.
  • “Well, I say, you’ve got to play some romantic music like George Beverly Shea to set the mood. His deep soothing voice really gets Helen going.” – Mr. Peters, 83.
  • “Oba, Valentine’s Day, yat? Did they cancel Wednesday night Bible study?” – Mr. Berg, 52.
  • “I’m going to make Peter his favourite meal – kielke and schmaunt – then do all the dishes will he sits on the sofa in his boxer shorts and farts while watching hockey.” – Mrs. Loewen, 48.
  • “I’ve only got two words for you: brown nylons!” – Mrs. Epp, 96
Canadian Olympians Forced to Pay Back Half Their Medals in Taxes
Lonely White Male Spends Romantic Evening Alone Watching Ben Shapiro Videos