How ‘Conservative’ Are You: A Guide for Mennonites

According to recent media portrayal, Mennonites are a simple people who live in community, wear funny clothes, and smuggle drugs from Mexico. However, this characterization is a little misleading as there is wide diversity in Mennonite circles. This handy guide will help you determine whether you are a liberal or conservative Mennonite, or something in between.

  1. I often wear suspenders and/or a homemade dress (30 points)
  2. I wear a belt and/or a store-bought dress (20 points)
  3. I wear tight jeans with rips in them (5 points)
  4. I am a nudist (0 points)
  5. I wear whatever the elders tell me to (50 points)
  6. I live with my cousins (30 points)
  7. I live within 1 square mile of my cousins (20 points)
  8. I have met my cousins (5 points)
  9. I don’t have any cousins (0 points)
  10. I am my own cousin (50 points)
  11. I’m not a hipster, and yet I have a full beard (30 points)
  12. I have a moustache (20 points)
  13. I skip shaving once in a while (5 points)
  14. My skin is as smooth as a baby’s bottom (0 points)
  15. I am a woman who prefers men with full beards (50 points)
  16. I feel I have my own pew in church and get mad if anyone else sits in it (30 points)
  17. I occasionally allow visitors to sit in my pew (20 points)
  18. I sit in a different spot each Sunday (5 points)
  19. My church uses chairs not pews (0 points)
  20. We sit on straw bales (50 points)
  21. I sit exclusively with people of my own gender while in church (30 points)
  22. I sit with my own family (20 points)
  23. I sit with people of my own gender but that’s only because I’m unattractive to the opposite sex (5 points)
  24. I sit with a diverse range of people in church (0 points)
  25. I started my own church with my own rules (50 points)
  26. Mode of transportation: Automobile with bumpers painted black (30 points)
  27. Mode of transportation: Pickup truck or minivan (20 points)
  28. Mode of transportation: American car (5 points)
  29. Mode of transportation: European or Japanese car (0 points)
  30. Mode of transportation: Horse and buggy (50 points)
  31. I watch television exclusively for sporting events (30 points)
  32. In addition to sports, I also watch G-rated movies and television shows (20 points)
  33. I watch movies only in the privacy of my own home (5 points)
  34. I watch movies in the theatre (0 points)
  35. What are movies? (50 points)
  36. I have removed the radio from my car (30 points)
  37. I listen exclusively to hymns and funeral announcements on the radio (20 points)
  38. I listen to Christian rock (5 points)
  39. I listen to Black Sabbath (0 points)
  40. To entertain the family during long drives, we sing ‘Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow’ a cappella (50 points)
  41. I don’t vote because I’m ideologically opposed to it (30 points)
  42. I don’t vote because I’m lazy (20 points)
  43. I vote, but I always vote for a Mennonite (5 points)
  44. I am a Member of Parliament (0 points)
  45. I believe ‘The Kingdom of God is not of this World’ (50 points)
  46. I have fled to another country because the one I was living in was too worldly (30 points)
  47. My ancestors did (20 points)
  48. I like to complain about the country I live in, but don’t do much about it (5 points)
  49. I believe everything here is awesome (0 points)
  50. My colony/town/farm/village/bungalow has declared itself an independent state (50 points)
  51. I regularly attend a conservative Mennonite church (30 points)
  52. I regularly attend an ‘evangelical’ Mennonite church (20 points)
  53. I regularly attend a (formerly called) General Conference Church (5 points)
  54. I don’t attend church at all (0 points)
  55. I don’t attend church at all because they’re all too liberal (50 points)
  56. I read a German Bible (30 points)
  57. I read a King James Bible (20 points)
  58. I read the NIV, ESV, or NASB (10 points)
  59. I read The Message (5 points)
  60. I don’t read the Bible (0 points)
  61. I’m not allowed to bring my own Bible to church (50 points)


  • 500 or more: Ultra-conservative
  • 400-500: Conservative
  • 300-400: Moderate
  • 200-300: Liberal
  • 100-200: Secular
  • 1-100: Heathen

(photo credit: by nha.library)

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