‘Destitute’ Galen Weston to Subsist Entirely on ‘No Name Brand’ Products


Left with just barely enough income to survive in today’s economy, Loblaws CEO Galen Weston has been forced to try his own No Name Brand products for the very first time.

“Yikes. I sure hope this ketchup is just as good as Heinz,” said Weston. “Could someone please pass the No Name Grey Poupon?”

After discovering the No Name products were decidedly inferior to the real deal, Weston immediately petitioned his company for a raise.

“I’m not sure how anyone can survive on this stuff,” said Weston. “One swipe and I knew this No Name toilet paper wasn’t going to hold up.”

In order to ensure their CEO can afford to buy name brand products, Loblaws will has hired a thrifty Mennonite woman to clip coupons for him.

(photo credit: JasonParis/CC)

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