Pat Sajak to be Replaced with Mennonite Man who Only Knows Plautdietsch


After more than four decades in southern California, the popular game show Wheel of Fortune will be moving north to Fresno this week where the new host will be none other than Willy Kroeker, a local farmer and lay minister of some repute.

Waut de kuckuck?” said Kroeker, when he arrived on set and spotted all the English letters up there on the wall. “Na, oba!”

Other than the new host, there will be no changes to the show, though Kroeker asked through his translator whether they might be able to replace Vanna with his Tina.

“We couldn’t oblige his request,” said the show’s producer Anne Miller. “If the man wants the job, he’ll have to put up with being surrounded by a lot of women without biblical names.”

Rumours suggest Kroeker may have been hired due to budget cuts, though Kroeker himself did not come cheap.

“Not only did we have to pay him 12 chickens an episode,” said Miller. “But he refused to work without his most trusted schjekbenjel.”

After filming several episodes, with contestants struggling like usual to figure out the puzzles, not a single person noticed that the host didn’t know a word of English.

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