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The Daily Bonnet

Marge Simpson to be Buried in Rural Saskatchewan

June 27, 2025 Andrew

HERBERT, SK Beloved blue-haired mother-of-three Marge Simpson will be buried this week in a family plot near Herbert, Saskatchewan. “We ask that the public is respectful at this time of mourning for the Simpson family,” […]

Unger Games

All 82 Jets Games to be Featured on 82 Different Channels Next Season

December 31, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Starting next year, each regular season game of the Winnipeg Jets will be featured on its own channel or streaming service. “Gone are the days when it was all on TSN Jets,” says […]

Unger & Thirst

Jennifer Aniston Doused in Schmaunt Fat on Set of ‘The Morning Show’

August 8, 2024 Andrew

LOS ANGELES, CA According to sources, a group of angry Mennonites from Fresno tossed an ice cream pail full of white cream gravy known as “schmaunt fat” on TV star Jennifer Aniston. “It was totally […]

Unger Suspicion

Pat Sajak to be Replaced with Mennonite Man who Only Knows Plautdietsch

June 12, 2024 Andrew

FRESNO, CA After more than four decades in southern California, the popular game show Wheel of Fortune will be moving north to Fresno this week where the new host will be none other than Willy […]

Unger Conviction

Nation Eliminates Poverty with $100 Million Investment in Jesus Commercials

February 13, 2024 Andrew

LAS VEGAS, NV The United States of America is close to becoming the first country on earth to eliminate poverty this week after the airing of a $100 million Super Bowl commercial that, apparently, promots […]

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