New Bible to Feature Donald Trump’s Words in Red


There’s a fancy new Bible on the market, which features Republican Presidential candidate Donald Trump’s words in red.

“The Bible can be an intimidating document for newcomers, so we’ve taken the liberty of printing all of Donald J. Trump’s words in red,” said a spokesperson for the new Bible. “It’s a long book, but this new Red Letter edition will help folks find the most important sections.”

The new Bible is so popular that some folks have even formed new theological positions based on the text.

“We call ourselves Red Letter Christians: Donald Trump Edition,” said one devotee. “When I’m confused or don’t know how to interpret the Scriptures, I can always turn to the red letters of Donald J. Trump and they help guide my interpretation.”

However, not everyone is happy with their purchases.

“This Bible cost me $59.99 and it’s exactly the same as the one I’ve already got,” said one disappointed customer. “There’s not a single red letter in the whole thing. It’s almost as if the words of Donald Trump are not Scripture or something.”

Trump said he was very sorry for the error and said he’d be happy to give the customer a replacement copy, but would not under any circumstances offer him a refund.

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