Poutine Wins 5th Term with 88% of the Vote


A box of delicious greasy poutine has won a whopping 88% of the popular vote this week, although some have doubts about the validity of the results.

“I didn’t vote for poutine. My wife didn’t vote for poutine. I don’t know anyone who voted for poutine,” said a local man, who wished to remain anonymous. “You know, 20 years ago I used to enjoy poutine on occasion, but lately I get a nasty case of indigestion every time I try it.”

Critics also suggest that poutine faced little opposition this year.

“Poutine’s only competitors were a freezer-burnt pizza pop and a day-old taquito from 7-11,” said one commentator. “With options like that, I guess people have no choice to go with poutine.”

With the obvious lack of competition, there are very few folks who believe the results.

“If it was the poutine from La Banquise or something, I could understand it, but a soggy nasty mess from a gas station? No thanks. That’s not the poutine I want after bar hopping at 2 in the morning.”

Despite serious questions about the vote, poutine will maintain control until the next election sometime in the year 2050.

(photo credit: Dennis Yang/CC)

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