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Month: August 2016

Unger Suspicion

Mexican Government Agrees to Pay for Border Wall

August 31, 2016 Andrew

MEXICO CITY, MEXICO After a meeting with Republican Presidential candidate Donald Trump this afternoon, the Mexican government has agreed to pay for a wall to be built on the US-Mexico border, saying, “it’s a great […]

Unger & Thirst

Pastor Declares Self-Service Corn Stand an ‘Evil Temptress’

August 31, 2016 Andrew

PEMBINA VALLEY, MB Every year in August the honesty and integrity of Mennonites throughout the Pembina Valley is put to the test as local farmers set up self-service corn stands at the end of their […]

Unger Games

Mennonites Claim to Have ‘Invented Colin Kaepernick’

August 30, 2016 Andrew

SAN FRANCISCO, CA Days after 49ers quarterback Colin Keapernick exercised his democratic right of protest by refusing to get up on his feet for the national anthem, Mennonite leaders are claiming to have, “like totally […]

The Daily Bonnet

Looming Postal Strike Causes Concern for Mennonites Trying to Communicate With Relatives

August 29, 2016 Andrew

With a Canada Post strike on the horizon, Canadian Mennonites are in a panic trying to figure just how on earth they’re going to communicate with their friends and relatives in distant locales. “I’ve heard some Mennonites have […]

Unger & Thirst

Archaeologists Excavate Thick Layer of Sunflower Seeds on Car Floor

August 29, 2016 Andrew

WARMAN, SK More than twenty years of knackzoat accumulation, amounting to over three hundred kilos, has been excavated from the car floor of local couple Barney and Ethel Kehler of Warman. The Kehlers have been knacking zoat onto […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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