‘Iron Maiden’ Performs to Sold Out Crowd at Local Mennonite Church


There was some confusion with the local metal community after tickets they had purchased to see UK heavy metal icons ‘Iron Maiden’ turned out to be a performance by a single Mennonite woman named Ms. Roth.

“I mean her autoharp playing was not bad, but I really prefer the vocal stylings of Bruce Dickinson,” said local metal fan Timothy Miller. “Though, I must say, she did a pretty badass a capella version of ‘My Anchor Holds.'”

Ohio Mennonites have been calling Ms. Roth ‘the Iron Maiden’ ever since she attended Bible School for three straight years back in the 60s and didn’t even come back hitched.

“Then she was a missionary in Botswana for a couple decades,” said local man Peter Troyer. “I can’t believe she came back single.”

When she returned to America, Ms. Roth parlayed her ‘Iron Maiden’ reputation into a successful music career, performing hundreds of sold out church basement shows in Mennonite towns across the country.

“It wasn’t what I was expecting, but I’d give Ms. Roth three-and-a-half stars,” said a local metal blogger. “If you have a chance to see the Mennonite ‘Iron Maiden’ don’t pass up your chance.”

Tickets for the Mennonite Iron Maiden show at Nationwide Arena in Columbus go on sale this weekend and start at an affordable $149.99 for the nosebleed seats.

Florida Hires Expert to Help with Election Recount
Blue Bombers Proudly Hoist 'Sunday School Attendance' Trophy