Knackzoat Found in Last Summer’s Jean Shorts “Still Perfectly Edible” Says Local Man


Local man Ernie Toews, 75, considered himself the “luckiest man in Altona” this past Saturday after he slid into a pair of old cut-off jean shorts that he hadn’t worn since last summer only to find that the pockets were filled to the brim with “perfectly edible sunflower seeds.”

“I thought I had a won the lottery,” said Toews, who enjoyed the zoat while watching a local slo-pitch game. “Two whole pants pockets worth of unknacked knackzoat yet! Oba yo!”

Toews witnessed the Altona Tractors defeat the Gretna Rebaptizers 15-11 while munching away at his deliciously, only slightly stale, sunflower seeds.

“They still spit perfectly fine,” said Toews. “I nearly hit the third baseman.”

Toews says he plans to go home immediately after the game and check all his other pants pockets to see what treasure he might find.

“You never know what Martha left in there yet,” said Toews. ” A Ravel bar, perhaps. Or maybe even a few watermelon rinds that have still got some juice to suck.”

The supply of sunflower seeds carried Mr. Toews through to the end of the fifth inning when he had to purchase a new bag, which he promptly emptied into his jeans shorts pockets.

“A little lint never killed anybody,” said Toews. “You hardly notice it with all the salt.”

(photo credit: by bobbi vie/CC)

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