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Unger Suspicion

James Reimer Declines to Wear ‘Violent’ San Jose Sharks Jersey

March 19, 2023 Andrew

SAN JOSE, CA Saying that the violent imagery goes against his religion, San Jose Sharks goalie James Reimer has declined to wear the team’s jersey. “It’s something that has weighed heavily on my conscience ever […]

Unger Conviction

Church AGM Scheduled to Coincide with Most Important Game of the Season

February 23, 2023 Andrew

NEWTON, KS The Eighth Mennonite Church of Newton, Kansas obliged all its members to show up and approve the budget right in the middle of the big game this past week. “Yeah, well, too bad. […]

Unger Games

Jennifer Jones Finds Curlers in Altona

February 22, 2023 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Manitoba’s greatest athlete Jennifer Jones has scoured the province for curlers and managed to find a pair in Altona of all places. “People kept telling me, ‘Jennifer, if you want a set of […]

Unger Games

Morrissey Spotted at NHL All-Star Game

February 5, 2023 Andrew

SUNRISE, FL Controversial British rocker Morrissey was spotted at the NHL All Star Game in Florida this weekend, where he picked up two assists and placed third in the slap shot competition. “Who would have […]

Unger Games

Winnipeg Jets Trade for the Wrong Toews

January 23, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Rumours have been swirling for weeks that Chicago Blackhawks superstar Jonathan Toews might be on the trading block, and what better place for him to land than in his hometown of Winnipeg. Unfortunately […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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