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knackzoat

Unger Games

Toronto Sees Massive Surge in Knackzoat Sales

October 21, 2025 Andrew

TORONTO, ON A trucker’s convoy-worth of sunflower seeds are on their way to Toronto this week to meet the demand of baseball fans in the GTA. “We’re basically just having them dump it in Sankofa […]

Unger & Thirst

iPhone Severely Damaged After Spending Afternoon in Pocket Full of Zoat

April 23, 2025 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Area man Garth Siemens couldn’t figure out what happened to his iPhone screen this afternoon. “I was just sitting there watching the first church softball game of the season,” said Siemens. “And the […]

Unger & Thirst

‘Hawk Tuah Girl’ Launches Her Own Brand of Knackzoat

August 12, 2024 Andrew

BELFAST, TN In an effort to cash in on her newfound fame, viral Internet sensation Hailey Welch, better known as ‘Hawk Tuah Girl’ has started a brand new company specializing in roasted and lightly salted […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Proposes Massive Sunflower Field for Portage and Main

May 2, 2023 Andrew

VANAPAG, MB Adding to the long list of brilliant new proposals for Winnipeg’s most famous intersection, local man Abe B. Wall has submitted a proposal to convert Portage and Main into a massive field of […]

Unger Suspicion

Tucker Carlson Discovered Knacking Zoat in Jeans Shorts at the Pits

April 25, 2023 Andrew

GRUENHIMMELFELD, MB It seems that Fox News star Tucker Carlson has settled in very nicely to his new role as half-drunk guy in cutoff jeans shorts at the pits. Moments after being fired by the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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