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knackzoat

Unger the Influence

Edmonton Mennonites Big Fans of Mayor Knack-Zoat

October 22, 2026 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Edmonton’s small but growing Mennonite community has come to rally around their new-ish mayor after discovering he shared an interest in their favourite snack. “Nah, oba, I really had no interest in municipal […]

Unger Games

Toronto Sees Massive Surge in Knackzoat Sales

October 21, 2025 Andrew

TORONTO, ON A trucker’s convoy-worth of sunflower seeds are on their way to Toronto this week to meet the demand of baseball fans in the GTA. “We’re basically just having them dump it in Sankofa […]

Unger & Thirst

iPhone Severely Damaged After Spending Afternoon in Pocket Full of Zoat

April 23, 2025 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Area man Garth Siemens couldn’t figure out what happened to his iPhone screen this afternoon. “I was just sitting there watching the first church softball game of the season,” said Siemens. “And the […]

Unger & Thirst

‘Hawk Tuah Girl’ Launches Her Own Brand of Knackzoat

August 12, 2024 Andrew

BELFAST, TN In an effort to cash in on her newfound fame, viral Internet sensation Hailey Welch, better known as ‘Hawk Tuah Girl’ has started a brand new company specializing in roasted and lightly salted […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Proposes Massive Sunflower Field for Portage and Main

May 2, 2023 Andrew

VANAPAG, MB Adding to the long list of brilliant new proposals for Winnipeg’s most famous intersection, local man Abe B. Wall has submitted a proposal to convert Portage and Main into a massive field of […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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