A stash of secular records were discovered under Garth Wiebe’s mattress this week, after a tip by prying neighbours led to a raid of the premises by church elders.
“As you know, we have a strict policy against worldly music … and jazz is on the top of that list,” said Elder Kroeker. “I don’t care if this is so-called Christmas music, it looks rather secular to me.”
Wiebe was also found guilty of violating the church’s policy against cartoon imagery, talking dogs, and the use of phonograph records.
“I know this Charlie Brown fellow is probably in the Brown book, but that’s no excuse,” said Kroeker. “I’ve had plenty of frintschoft that have fallen off the wagon.”
Wiebe tried to plead his case by arguing that Charles Schulz and Vince Guaraldi were actually two members of the famous Gospel Bottom Boys quartet, but the elders would hear none of it.