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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

60-Year-Old Mennonite Woman Decides to Retire from Child-Bearing

May 14, 2017 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA Now that she’s turned 60, Mrs. Martha Snyder, a Mennonite woman from Lancaster, has decided to hang up her cleats and retire from bearing any more children. “I’ve been pretty active at child-bearing […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winnipeg Man Survives Eating Fish Caught in Red River

May 13, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Despite the large quantities of raw sewage that’s routinely dumped into the river, local man Alexander Penner of North Kildonan decided that eating a fish caught in this delightfully polluted river was a […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couple Finally Consummates Marriage on Fifth Wedding Anniversary

May 12, 2017 Andrew

HEUBODEN, MB After five years of a happy yet celibate marriage, local couple Mary and Henry Funk figured they were finally ready to set their Scrabble board aside and take their relationship to the next level. “In […]

The Daily Bonnet

“Life Just Isn’t Fair,” says Benjamin Fehr

May 11, 2017 Andrew

MORDEN, MB After a string of unfortunate incidents, local farmer Benjamin Fehr of the Morden area, has come to the conclusion that the world is out to get him. “First I got a flat on my […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man to Drive the Entire Trans-Canada Highway in the Left Lane

May 10, 2017 Andrew

HALIFAX, NS Mennonite man Paul Warkentin is about to embark on a cross-country journey in his ’03 Malibu to raise awareness about safe and courteous driving. The entire trip, which begins in Halifax on Monday, […]

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