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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Local Man Starts ‘Citizens Concerned About Absolutely Everything’ Facebook Page

May 29, 2016 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB Concerned citizen Kurt Warkentin, 41, of the Mitchell area has started a Facebook group to express his concern about absolutely everything that goes on in the world. “Bill 18, taxes, the new multiplex, refugees […]

The Daily Bonnet

Chris Goertzen and Kelvin Goertzen Still Insist They’re Not Brothers

May 26, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Despite the fact that Steinbach, Manitoba is home to the largest concentration of Goertzens in the world, Chris Goertzen, mayor of Steinbach, and Kelvin Goertzen, local MLA, are having a hard time convincing area […]

The Daily Bonnet

Couple With Joint Facebook Account to Finally Get Married

May 25, 2016 Andrew

STE. ANNE, MB Wedding bells are on the horizon for a local couple who have been Facebooking in sin for more than three years. Brenton Friesen and Laurie-Anne Cote of the Ste. Anne area have been […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Teen Accused of Showing Too Much Ankle on Snapchat

May 23, 2016 Andrew

SCHANZENBERG, SK Local Mennonite teen Patricia Schmidt, 18, will appear before the church deacon board on Tuesday to defend her immodest post on social media over the weekend. “I was just showing off my new Maddens to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Satirist Spends Hours Indoors Writing Articles on First Warm May Long Weekend in Decades

May 21, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Completely missing the rare opportunity to have a rain-free May long weekend, pathetic local writer Andrew Unger spent hours indoors constructing satirical news items. “The weather’s beautiful, but I’ve got articles to write,” said Unger […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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