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The Daily Bonnet

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Vows Never to Wear Suspenders Until the Bombers Win a Grey Cup

November 23, 2019 Andrew

NEUBERGTHAL, MB Oncle Johan Fast has vowed “naver aver” to wear suspenders again until the Winnipeg Blue Bombers bring home the Grey Cup. Many are supportive of his plan, but others are a little troubled […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Seeks Treatment for Her Hallmark Christmas Movie Addiction

November 22, 2019 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Mrs. Martens of Saskatoon has been checked in a rehab facility this week after it was discovered that she has been doing nothing but eating popcorn and watching terribly-acted predictable Christmas movies on […]

The Daily Bonnet

Manitoba Family Still Smelling Strongly of Chlorine a Week After Grand Forks Visit

November 16, 2019 Andrew

GRAND FORKS, ND The Hieberts of Blumenort had a great time at the Come Hither Motor Hotel in Grand Forks last weekend, but are having trouble washing the smell of chlorine from their bodies nearly […]

The Daily Bonnet

“Mock us, please!” Pennsylvania Mennonites Demand Equal Treatment by the Daily Bonnet

November 15, 2019 Andrew

INTERCOURSE, PA Thousands of Pennsylvania Mennonites petitioned the Daily Bonnet this week to be “more inclusive” of their particular idiosyncrasies that they claim are just ripe for mockery. “That website is far too Canadian!” yelled […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Man Turns 40, or 65 in ‘Mennonite Years’

November 9, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local man Andy Unrau turned 40 this weekend, though he was not nearly as eager to celebrate the occasion as one might expect. “If you do the math, that’s 65 in Mennonite years,” […]

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