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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Michelle Sawatzky Wins Olympic Gold in Radio Broadcasting

August 10, 2016 Andrew

RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL AM1250 radio personality Michelle Sawatzky, who parlayed her mid-90s Olympic volleyball career into southeast Manitoba radio success, has just secured a gold medal for Canada in the inaugural Radio Broadcasting competition. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Grandma Rescued After Literally Knitting Herself Into a Corner

August 7, 2016 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Martha Toews, 91, of Kitchener was rescued by emergency personnel this weekend from her apartment at Greenhaven Manor after she had inadvertently knitted herself into a corner that she could not escape. “That’s […]

The Daily Bonnet

World Anabaptist Olympics Begin Today

August 5, 2016 Andrew

CURITIBA, BRAZIL More than three thousand Amish, Hutterite, and Mennonite athletes from around the world are descending on Curitiba, Brazil this week for the opening of the World Anabaptist Games. “We’re very excited that our […]

The Daily Bonnet

Divorced Mennonites Remain Cousins, Legal Expert Says

August 2, 2016 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA Settling an age-old question that had baffled legal scholars for centuries, renowned barrister and American law expert Aganetha L. Schneider of Harrisonburg claims there’s no longer any room for debate when it comes to Mennonite […]

The Daily Bonnet

Welcome to Steinbach, Parade Capital of Canada

July 29, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Steinbach, Manitoba, founded in 1874 by Russian Mennonites, has grown from a tiny village on an insignificant stony creek into a booming metropolis of nearly 15,000 people where anyone and everyone is free […]

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