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The Daily Bonnet

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The Daily Bonnet

Shunned Mennonites Feeling Super Safe Right Now

March 18, 2020 Andrew

BIRD-IN-HAND, PA Mrs. Beiler, 63, who was shunned three months ago after wearing a knee-length skirt to a church potluck, is among the safest people on the planet these days. “The shunning was bad at […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Self-Isolates After Visit to Jantsied

March 17, 2020 Andrew

DITSIED, MB Mr. Harder of Ditsied is in self-imposed quarantine for the next two weeks after an “international” trip he took to the other side of the river. “I went all the way to Jantsied,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Being Extra Careful These Days

March 13, 2020 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC The Abbotsford Men’s Crokinole League is taking extra precautions these days and has implemented a league-wide policy requiring knipsers to wrap their knipsing fingers in plastic bags. “We are taking every measure to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Man Selling Hand Sanitizer for $80 a Squirt

March 10, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After snagging the last remaining bottles of hand sanitizer in Steinbach, local man Mr. Dueck is now standing on the corner of Main and Reimer asking for eighty bucks a squirt. “The response […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Takes Three Hours Between Scrabble Moves

March 6, 2020 Andrew

ROSTHERN, SK The Scrabble match between Mrs. Ens and Mrs. Thiessen at the Rosthern Manor this week has taken much longer than expected due to Mrs. Thiessen’s insistence on poring through the dictionary to find […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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