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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Reluctantly Agrees to Wash His Hands Once in a While to Prevent Coronavirus

March 3, 2020 Andrew

GNADENHUNT, MB After being persuaded by his wife, mother and pastor on the dangers of the new coronavirus, Mr. Toews has agreed that he’ll run some lukewarm water on his hands at least once a […]

The Daily Bonnet

You’re So Vain, You Probably Think this Post is About You, Don’t You, Don’t You?

February 26, 2020 Andrew

Oba, nay, so yust because it says Johan Friesen in the article doesn’t mean it’s about you. There are many Johan Friesens. There are twenty-seven in the Schteinback phone book alone, not to mention all […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Receives Most Romantic Birthday Present Ever!

February 22, 2020 Andrew

ALLENTOWN, PA After receiving nothing but kitchen utensils year after year, Mrs. Miller decided she’d hint to her husband that she wanted something a bit more romantic for her 45th birthday this year. “And, boy, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Ten ‘Nah Yos’ Required to Extricate Mennonite Man from Conversation

February 21, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Mr. Bergen was eager to get home and watch the last period of the Jats game after Bible study this week, but, no matter how many times he said “nah yo, dan,” he […]

The Daily Bonnet

Intercourse, Pennsylvania to be Renamed Abstinence, Pennsylvania

February 20, 2020 Andrew

ABSTINENCE, PA The tiny Mennonite village of Intercourse, Pennsylvania has had a wildly inappropriate name for quite some time now and area residents are finally ready for a change. “People are coming here for all […]

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