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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Quarantined Mennonite Man Plays Brommtopp from Balcony to Entertain Neighbours

April 13, 2020 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Altonites were in for quite the treat yesterday as renowned brommtopper Mr. Hamm stood on the 16th floor balcony of the Altona Manor and serenaded his fellow quarantined neighbours with a delightful performance […]

The Daily Bonnet

Homeschool Sex Ed Lesson Goes Terribly Wrong

April 9, 2020 Andrew

TABER, AB Mrs. Wiens of Taber has been at a loss for how to get through the curriculum this semester. Especially concerning for the young mom of two was the Sex Ed lesson she was […]

The Daily Bonnet

Clingy Mennonite Aunt Making Tally of All the Hugs You’ll Owe Her When This is Over

April 5, 2020 Andrew

YARROW, BC Ever since the pandemic broke out, Taunte Liza of Yarrow has been making a daily tally of all the hugs she’s missing out on and plans to cash in big time once this […]

The Daily Bonnet

With Toilet Paper in Short Supply, Mennonites Resort to Eaton’s Catalogues Once Again

April 2, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB While thousands of Canadians are panicked these days due to a short supply of toilet paper, Mennonites, on the other hand, haven’t been fazed by the shortage at all. “Well, it looks like […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Church Warns ‘No Casual Meddachschlop During Public Health Crisis’

March 31, 2020 Andrew

SANTA CLARA, MEXICO Public health officials and church leaders are warning Mennonites across North America to refrain from casual meddachschlop with random partners for the duration of the current crisis. “Unless you’ve got a California […]

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