Canadian Men’s Hockey Team is Mostly Just Random Dudes from Your Church Floor Hockey League


The Canadian Olympic Men’s hockey team was announced Thursday and it turns out most of the guys are just random dudes from your church floor hockey league.

“With the NHL boycotting the Olympics this year, Team Canada was desperate to field a men’s hockey team,” said head coach Willie Desjardin, “so we just pinned a sign-up sheet in the Mennonite church lobby there in Brandon and took who we could get.”

The first to sign up (and therefore team captain) was Timothy Peters, 52, who was super excited to represent Canada in Pyeongchang.

“As soon as I saw the sign-up sheet next to the decaf I knew I had to join!” said Peters. “I’ve been playing floor hockey here at West Brandon Mennonite since the 1980s and, let me tell you, I can still tromp around a church gym like nobody’s business!”

After having won Olympic gold in the last couple games with NHL stars like Sidney Crosby, John Tavares, and Shea Weber, Canada will now have to pin its hopes on farmer Peter B. Wiebe, plumber Richard Martens, and the Friesen boys from just outside Gladstone.

“Too often church floor hockey is dismissed as just something to keep the men occupied so they don’t flirt with the neighbour ladies, but we’re here to prove that we can actually play,” said Peters. “I think we’ll shock quite a few people this year.”

Practice for the Olympics starts this Friday and includes a few weeks of intensive training including, first and foremost, teaching the men how to skate.

(photo credit: Kevin Veau/CC)

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