Winkler Grocery Store to Retain Mask Rule Just So Locals Have Something to Rebel Against


The management at the local DuperMart grocery store has decided to keep the mask law in place this summer just so that local folks can have a public place to blow off some steam.

“After a year of the government telling them what to do, if gives these folks a sense of power and control in their lives,” said DuperMart manager Mr. Kroesky. “I mean some of them can’t really make it through the day without yelling at a minimum-wage grocery clerk, and we’re happy to provide that kind of service.”

Starting this Friday, DuperMart shoppers will be required to wear a mask, even though the province is only “strongly recommending it.”

“We’re really hoping we can get the average up to 3 or 4 freak-outs an hour,” said Mr. Kroesky. “They’re tilting at windmills, but, hey, at least they’re venting some pent-up anger in a safe and controlled environment.”

Local shoppers say they’re really excited about the new system.

“I was getting awfully bored there for a while,” said a local anti-masker. “I don’t know what I’d do on a Friday night if I can’t at least misdirect my anger about my lot in life.”

Winkler DuperMart invites all anti-maskers to come defy its guidelines starting this Friday at 9:00 am.

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