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Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman to Continue Wearing Mask in Liquor Store

March 15, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Even though provincial guidelines no longer require it, Mrs. Jessica Peters, 31, of Winnipeg plans to continue sporting her N95 at liquor stores across the province. “I’ve gotta be protected,” said Peters, ” […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonites Excited as Masks are Finally Being Handed Out at the Liquor Store

January 14, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Mennonites across southern Manitoba were elated at the announcement that masks would be made available at liquor stores throughout the province. “I’ve got to be protected…” said Mr. Buhler of Winkler, “against the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Woman Wears Face Mask Just to Keep Warm

December 19, 2021 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Local woman Rachel Driedger, 23, doesn’t bother to take her face mask off, even when she’s outdoors, not with temperatures dropping to -20 this week. “It’s better than a scarf,” says Driedger. “I […]

Unger Suspicion

Newlyweds Excited to Rip Each Other’s Masks Off in the Hotel Room Later Today

September 15, 2021 Andrew

CALGARY, AB Allan Wiebe and Lydia Brandt were married at the EMCB church this afternoon and are excited to rip off their masks at the Days Inn after the reception. “We started dating last spring, […]

Unger Suspicion

Anti-Pantsers Demand Their Constitutional Rights

September 13, 2021 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Thousands of angry anti-pantsers invaded Leamington this week and decided to dine at local restaurants without sporting any bottoms whatsoever. “I’ve never had to use so much Lysol in all my life,” said […]

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