Tucker Carlson Discovered Knacking Zoat in Jeans Shorts at the Pits


It seems that Fox News star Tucker Carlson has settled in very nicely to his new role as half-drunk guy in cutoff jeans shorts at the pits. Moments after being fired by the television network, Carlson hightailed it to southern Manitoba, stopped by at the Co-op for some zoat, and began pounding back lite beer at the nearest gravel pit.

“Ahh, this is life,” said Carlson, overlooking his new kingdom. “Who needs 2o million a year, when you’ve got a view like this.”

Luckily for Carlson, he is still able to pontificate about the news of the day, albeit to a slightly smaller audience.

“There may be just a couple dozen people here, but it’s early in the season,” said Carlson. “I also appreciate all the Canadian flags and F Trudeau signs. It really makes me feel at home … in a Canadian sort of way.”

Eventually a small crowd had gathered and pleaded with Carlson to regale them with tales of  mainstream media corruption and wacko leftists.

“Hey, I just came here to knack zoat,” said Carlson. “Can’t a man relax once in a while. Besides, everyone knows that was all just an act anyway. I’m off the clock now …”

By dawn, Carlson had knacked a pile of zoat more than ten feet high and he’s reportedly been working on his Plautdietsch as well.

(photo credit: Gage Skidmore/CC)

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