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Unger the Influence

Tucker Carlson Admits He’s Just Been Doing Really Shoddy Satire for the Past 20 Years

May 17, 2024 Andrew

SAN FRANCISCO, CA After expressing his undying love and devotion for everyone from Alex Jones to Vladimir Putin, American political commentator Tucker Carlson has finally acknowledged he’s just been trolling everyone for the past couple […]

Unger Suspicion

Tucker Carlson Discovered Knacking Zoat in Jeans Shorts at the Pits

April 25, 2023 Andrew

GRUENHIMMELFELD, MB It seems that Fox News star Tucker Carlson has settled in very nicely to his new role as half-drunk guy in cutoff jeans shorts at the pits. Moments after being fired by the […]

Unger Suspicion

Tucker Carlson to Mennonite Men: “Make Sure to Smoke Your Sausage”

April 23, 2022 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY Fox News pundit Tucker Carlson is urging low-testosterone Mennonite men to “stick your sausage in a smoker pronto.” “This is no laughing matter,” said Carlson, who claims 1 in 3 men now […]

Unger Conviction

Chris Wallace to Moderate Upcoming Mennonite Church Board Meeting

September 30, 2020 Andrew

AKRON, PA After a stellar performance at the Presidential debate in which he always had things under complete control, Fox News anchor Chris Wallace has been tasked with his biggest challenge yet: moderating an upcoming […]

Unger Suspicion

Apu Nahasapeemapetilon Hired by Fox News

October 29, 2018 Andrew

ATLANTA, GA Days after being fired from his job on the long-running sitcom The Simpsons, Apu Nahasaspeemapetilton has been hired by Fox News to work as a political pundit. “We only hire cartoon characters around […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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