Trump Demands Russian Mennonites Be Included in G7


As the nation’s largest economies met in Quebec this week to discuss ways to further their stranglehold on the globe, there was one group that was notably absent: The Russian Mennonites. According to U.S. President Donald Trump, “it’s a complete waste of time to have these meetings without the Russian Mennonites.”

“Added altogether they’re the world’s fifth largest economy,” said Trump, who did not cite his sources. “Their farms, church pew factories and credit unions are remarkable, just remarkable!”

Trump also cited the Russian Mennonites swamp-draining ability as quite the asset.

“I mean that’s why I was sent to Washington in the first place, wasn’t it? To drain the swamp?” said Trump. “I think these Russian Mennonites would do wonders in these meetings. Plus, they could provide faspa.”

There was also some talk of inviting the Swiss Mennonites to join, but no one was confident they would understand the language.

(photo credit: mccauleys-corner/CC)

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